We Are Still Brothers
by s.shigeno
Summary: Years ago, brothers Lovino and Feliciano were watching turtles on the beach, when the two are accidentally separated. After 12 years, Lovino has been dealing with the pain and guilt of losing his brother Feliciano.
1. Chapter 1

"Happy Birthday Feliciano!" Roderich (Austria) greeted his son. "Ve~!Thank you, daddy!" Feliciano (Italy Veneziano) respond joyfully."You're four years old now!" Roderich added. Feliciano lifted his head to ask his father and mother, "Are we there yet? I wanna see the turtles!". Elizabeta (Hungary) turn around, she smiled and hugged Feliciano, "We're almost there and there will be lots of turtles on the beach!"

The weather was balmy, there are many kids playing and running on the sand at beach. The two little boys Feliciano and Lovino (Italy Romano) running towards their father standing in the tent. The two brothers saw their cousin Matthew (Canada) holding his belly in pain and Elizabeta started stroking his back. "Elizabeta, what's wrong with Matthew!?" Roderich asked his wife. "He might've eaten something." she replied and confused. "I'll go the front desk. Maybe there's a doctor here." Roderich decided to run to ask someone for help while Elizabeta still stroking Matthew's back and picked up the little blond boy to go back to their private room. "Let's go inside. You can wash up and take a nap, Matt."

Suddenly, Lovino pulled his mother's skirt, "But what about the turtles, mom?" he asked. "Later, Lovino. Feliciano, stay with your brother." Elizabeta replied with a faint smile. The two little brothers stay outside in their private room with confusion but Lovino are so eager to see those turtles so he grabbed Feliciano's hand and they run away, "Come, Feli! Let's go!", "Lovi, are we going to the turtles?" Feli asked, "Yes. Let's hurry! We might not see them!" Lovino replied. Feliciano smiles at his big brother and Lovino told him to "hold tight" together.

* * *

Twelve years later.

"Wow! Congratulations, Lovino! Just two mistakes!" Ivan (Russia) said happily to his classmate while Lovino hold his test result with a sad face. "Why you look so sad, da?" Ivan asked. "Because that Froggy got a perfect score!" Lovino pointing his finger at a blond guy who are sitting and studying alone in the front of the computer, Francis (France).

"So?" Ivan asked again. Lovino just stares at Ivan and looks away, "I have to graduate as batch valedictorian. I want to give my mother a reason to attend my graduation."

The night is so silent, Lovino's mother, Elizabeta humming at the window. Holding and staring at the picture frame, it's the picture of little Feliciano. She fought back tears, not wanting to cry and then she whispered "I miss you my baby."

The next morning, Lovino rushed toward the kitchen. He greeted his cousin, Matthew. "Your mother was still in a meeting. I guess we have to go ahead." Roderich said, eating breakfast together with Lovino and Matthew. Lovino really miss his mother, they didn't talk too much when Feliciano disappear twelve years ago.

* * *

So many fishermen are standing on the shores, some of them are cleaning their own net. There's a boy with innocent looking face walking along the shore, humming and carrying his books. He's wearing his school uniform. He suddenly stops walking and stares at the woman in the boat. "Mama!", the woman turn around and wave her hand happily, "Marco!".

Marco (Italy Veneziano) run excitedly toward his mother, Laura (Belgium) and he kissed his mother's left cheek. "My child." Laura said. "Marco, your aunt and I are going to the resort. They need some help in the kitchen and waiters too." Laura added. "Really, mama?" Marco said with a smile. Laura notice that his son didn't wear his school shoes,"Marco, why aren't you wearing your shoes?", "Ve~! I don't want to wear them out. We don't have money to buy a new ones." Marco replied but Laura said sharply, "We also don't have money to pay for your hospital bills if you acquire tetanus." Marco burst laughing and hug his mother again, "Mama, I'm your son. We are strong, right? No way am I getting tetanus!". Laura gently patted the boy's cheek with a gentle smile, "Fine, whatever you say!".

* * *

"Marco, why are you still up?" Laura asked, while entering from the main door with umbrella. She saw Marco at the bamboo table with a little lamp, "Just finishing my school project" Marco stares at his mother with a sad face, "Mama, we don't have any leftovers from dinner". "It's okay. I ate already. Just get me a glass of water" Laura replied with a smile, Marco rushed from the room, poured a glass of water from the container. Then, Laura noticed his son's notebook in the table, contains a handwritten note by Marco.

 _Whenever I swim, I remember my papa Tim (Netherlands)..._  
 _and how he swam against the tides of life, for his beloved family._

"Mama!" Marco rushed toward his mother, scratching his head shyly. "Don't be shy! It's fantastic!" Laura said it with a charming smile. "I got good grades in school for my writing. Your papa was just good in one subject. . .recess." they soon start laughing together. Marco looks at Laura with his cloudy eyes, his lip started to tremble and then he started to cry, "Mama, I'm really sorry". Laura dashed out in confusion, "For what?", Marco began to sob and tears flowed from his eyes, "If I went home sooner that day, papa wouldn't have gone looking for me. We would have him until now.", Laura tried to comfort his son but he kept crying. "Don't blame yourself for your papa's death. It wasn't your fault okay?" she hug his son and planted a kiss on Marco's forehead.

* * *

While Elizabeta walking back home from work, she tried to remember what she said to his little son before, "Do you remember the song I taught you to sing whenever you're scared?", little Feliciano answered gently, "Yes! Mommy!".

 _*Marukaite Chikyuu*_

Elizabeta started crying right after remembering those song, then, she wiped her tears away with her hand. She didn't know that Lovino was watching her in the corner but his mother caught him staring at her. Lovino started shaking, he's nervous but he needs to comfort his mother right now so he greeted Elizabeta with a smile, "Hi mom. Did you just got home?", he walks towards his mother and Elizabeta replied him with a smile.

However, after Lovino kissed her mother in the cheek, Elizabeta turn around without looking back at his son. Lovino felt a sharp pain on his chest but again, he tried to talk to his mother to comfort her, "Would you like me to make you dinner" Lovino asked. "I'm not hungry." Elizabeta replied with a blank face. "Okay. . ." Lovino said.

"Mom, next week, it's my birth-" Lovino said quickly but Elizabeta stop him, saying, "It'll be 12 years next week. Do you remember?". Lovino looks at his mother and looks at the floor.

"Twelve years since we lost your baby brother." ,"What were you saying about next week?" Elizabeta asked. Lovino just smile, shaking his head

and replied, "Nothing, mom.", "Just don't stay up too late. It's not good for you. Good night." Elizabeta added. Patting Lovino's shoulder and walks away.


	2. Chapter 2

"Feliciano, let's go see the turtles!" Lovino said excitedly to his little brother while running to the direction where another children gathering together to see the turtles, too. But Lovino suddenly realised they didn't hold hands anymore, "Feli?" Lovino said, taking a deep breath. He explore his surroundings to find Feliciano but he still doesn't find his little brother, "Feliciano!" he yelled with nervous.

"Lovino!" Lovino turn around and see his father running towards him, "What's wrong? Where's your brother?!" Roderich asked calmly. "I looked away and then Feli was gone..." Lovino immediately respond and began to cry. "What!?" Roderich said, in shock of what he was heard. Lovino saw his mother running to their direction and ask,"What happened? Where is Feliciano?", Elizabeta tap Lovino on the shoulder and began to talk, "I told you to stay put and wait for daddy!", "Why won't you just behave?! If anything happens to your brother..." Elizabeta said angrily to his son while Lovino struggling to hold his tears. Elizabeta run off and left him.

Lovino suddenly wake up. It takes a few seconds to look around his room and seems it's already morning. He took a deep breath and wondered if Feliciano was still alive.

* * *

One fine morning at the sea-side, Marco was walking and holding a straw basket, selling dried fish and squid around the place until he discovered that the slippers on his feet are worn out. He grabbed the other one to fix it but one blond man with blue eyes and masculine body came suddenly close to him, "Hey!" the man said. "Ludwig!" Marco said happily and hug the man.

Ludwig (Germany) is Marco's best friend. "Why are you still here? Haven't your classes started?" asked Marco. "Classes start tomorrow." Ludwig said calmly, "Your slippers are already worn out. Use mine." he added. "Ve~! Thanks but your slippers are big. I'm fine, Ludwig." Marco said, smiling beautifully. "If your classes start tomorrow, shouldn't you be leaving already?" Marco added, looking to his best friend's blue eyes, "Hmm, I don't know. I think I'm gonna miss someone if I leave." Ludwig answered. "Someone? Who?" Marco asked with curiosity. Ludwig began to blush and looks away but Marco didn't notice it. 

* * *

Lovino went jogging in a park near their place before eating breakfast with his golden retriever dog. This is his morning routine. "Are you tired, Aster?" he asked. Suddenly, a man with curly brown hair with green eyes appeared in front of Lovino. He was talking to Lovino's dog, "How are you, Aster?" asked the man with a gentle smile. Lovino lose his temper and become irritated, "Wow! You're asking how my dog is, Antonio?!".

Antonio (Spain) is Lovino's classmate. Antonio looks at him wearing his ear to ear smile, "Because most of the time, dogs are easier to talk to. They don't lie and pretend like their owners do." Antonio explained. "I'm lying? I'm pretending?" Lovino asked with a sharp voice and Antonio answered him with a nod, that indicates 'yes'. An awkward silence fell between them but Lovino suddenly asked, "Why do you hate me so much, Antonio?". Antonio stopped patting the dog and he looks at Lovino with a serious face, "I don't hate you." he answered.

"What!?" Lovino asked with one raised eyebrow. Antonio come closer to look at Lovino's eyes, "You once said that all you wanted was to be loved. Yet when someone loved you, you turned him away. Do you still blame yourself for your brother's lost? " Before Lovino could answer, Antonio passed him and left Lovino. He saw Antonio walk away up the street. 

* * *

There's a national art competition held in small town. So many contestants participating for the big prize. Marco joined, because he loved to paint and he really needs money to pay for their debt. Ludwig was there too, to cheer for his best friend. "Ludwig! I'm so nervous I could die." Marco said nervously with his eyes on the ground. "Why are you so nervous?" Ludwig asked. "My opponents are really good!" Marco said with puppy eyes. Ludwig began to blush again when he saw Marco's beautiful eyes, "So what? You're still the winner in my hea-"

"Mr. Marco!" the event staff approach them, "Are you ready? Where's your art materials?" asked the man. "Ve~! I'm so sorry I forgot! I left it in the locker room! I gotta go..." Marco jumps and walks away without looking back while Ludwig is took a deep sigh.

In the other side of the room, Roderich and Matthew are standing in the corner together with another constestant and their family. He grabbed his phone in his pocket and opened the contact list. He slid down and opened his wife's number, "Elizabeta, where are you? The competition is about to begin!" Roderich said. Matthew was listening to their conversation while holding Lovino's art materials. "I'm already here. In the locker room. I will put this gift on Lovino's locker. I want to surprise him." Elizabeta explained with a smile. Roderich told her to hurry so Elizabeta can meet his husband's friends in the event.

Elizabeta found Lovino's locker, she open it and place the gift inside carefully. On her side, there's a young boy wearing a beret, he looks very nervous and it seems that he's talking to himself. "You can do this, Marco!", the young boy trying to cheer himself up.

Just then, their eyes met and this time, Elizabeta speak and smile to the young boy, "Good luck." the boy nods, with a slight blush, "Thank you, ma'am.", the young boy tried to hum as he walked away from the locker room carrying his art materials. Elizabeta heard the familiar humming, it's Marukaite Chikyuu. Feliciano's favorite song.

She felt like her world was spinning 'round and 'round until it suddenly stopped, "Feliciano?! My child!". She tried to run faster to find the young boy but she didn't because there were so many people in the place. "That's Feliciano! His face, he looks like Lovi!" she whispered.

She felt something bump into her, "Elizabeta, what are you doing here? The competition had already started. Let's go." Roderich grabbed his wife's hand. When he opened the door, Elizabeta found the young boy. He's one of the contestant and he's on Lovino's side.

Lovino saw his mother not far away from them with his father and cousin, he tried to wave his hand so Elizabeta could wave back but Elizabeta's eyes are not focus on Lovino's. He just turn away to check his right side. A young boy wearing a beret with a smile on his face who are busy painting on his canvas. Lovino wondering why his mother staring at this boy with a curious expression but he decided to continue his painting so he can get the prize... for his mother.


	3. Chapter 3

"And the winner is, Mr. Marco!" the announcer proclaimed. People around the hall room give applause to the winner. "This is for you, papa." Marco whispered with a smile while holding his trophy with a money cash.

"Roderich! Matthew! Did you see him?" Elizabeta asked them with tears, "Did you see your cousin?! He was so good!" Elizabeta added, holding Matthew's cheeks.

"Too bad he didn't win." Matthew replied with smile. "He won!" Elizabeta said. "Yes, second place." Matthew murmured. "Second, no! Not Lovino, it's Feliciano!" Elizabeta exclaimed. Roderich and Matthew look at each other in disbelief. "The winner, that's Feliciano! I finally found him!" She hugged her husband and said, "I found our son, Roderich!".

Lovino walks toward his family, he have no idea what is happening, but he embrace his mother and apologized, "Mommy, I'm sorry I only placed second." Elizabeta patting Lovino's back with both hands, slowly and gently, "It's okay. The important thing is your brother's here." she said. "W-what?!" Lovino asked in surprised.

"Ludwig!" Marco yelled happily. "You're indeed the best!" Ludwig chuckled, patting his best friend's head and stroking his hair slowly between his ears. Marco felt the heat of a blush creeping up his cheeks because of the touch of Ludwig but he ignored it.

"Feliciano!" Marco and Ludwig looked to see a beautiful woman with a long brown hair approach them slowly. They also notice the three men behind the beautiful lady. Elizabeta reach for Marco, " I searched for you. I always believed you were alive! Twelve years..." Elizabeta touch Marco's cheeks while crying but Roderich stop his wife.

Lovino was confused right now, he didn't blink, didn't look away. He stood there beside Matthew, he was staring at the young boy, he also thinks that they're very related to each other. They look alike somehow but he didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand...Ludwig?" Marco stepped back and he walks into Ludwig's side, shivering and scared. "Excuse me, lady. Are you okay?" asked Ludwig but Elizabeta ignore him. "Feliciano, don't you remember me? I'm your mom!" she asked, tried to approach the young boy.

"Elizabeta, calm down." Roderich snapped, "I'm sorry. It's just that 12 years ago, we lost our little son. And my wife thinks that you're our son..." he added. Elizabeta look up at her husband with disappointment, "No. He is!" Elizabeta yelled, a few people around them start to murmur, one of them thinks that those family are not accepting the result of the competition.

"Feliciano!" Elizabeta grabbed Marco's arm and the young boy began to cry, "That's impossible. My name is Marco." he gasped. Ludwig embrace his best friend even more tightly and he looks more angry than he has looked in his entire life, " I know Marco and his family and I'm sure he's not the child you're looking for!" Ludwig cautioned but Elizabeta still ignoring the blond man and grabbed Marco's arm again.

She touched the young boy's cheeks and waited for him to calm down, then spoke, "Feliciano! Do you remember the song, baby? The song?" she asked, "What...song?" Marco also asked the lady."The one I taught you when you were young." Elizabeta answered with a gentle smile. She began to sing the Marukaite Chikyuu. Everyone still confuse, even Lovino, he didn't know if he should be happy or sad. Marco was shocked and terrified when he heard the song, that's his favorite song. He didn't know why he love it but the song stamped in his heart since when he was young. "You're not my mother. I'm sorry." Marco said before sobbing, "Let's go!" Ludwig took Marco's hand and led him away from those people and back to their home.

* * *

"Welcome back, ma'am and sir." the maid greeted at the entrance door. Elizabeta and Roderich went to their room. When they got into their respective room, Lovino and Matthew heard a couple fighting for a split second after they closed the door.

"That's Feliciano! Why wouldn't you believe me?!" Elizabeta sobbed. Roderich grabbed his temple while sitting at the bed, "I want to but this is not the first time!" he demanded. "But this time I'm sure, Roderich! That boy is Feliciano!" she asserted. "And if he's not, then what?!" Roderich snapped, seeing the pain in his wife's eyes, "Isn't it enough that we lost him once already?!", "How many times are we going to get heartbroken?! How long are you going to be in mourning?! When will you allow yourself to be happy? When will you ever allow this family to be happy?!", Roderich continued to speak while Lovino and Matthew are listening outside.

Elizabeta knew that her husband didn't mean to hurt her, but Roderich words are not good to hear, so she looks at him for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and she said, "I'm sorry if I'm getting in the way of your happiness!", "And I'm sorry if I can't easily forget Feliciano just like all of you have!" she added, "And I'm so sorry Roderich if I never stopped loving my son! I'll do everything to have Feliciano back!" Elizabeta cried.

Roderich stands up and said, "So just because I chose to move on, I didn't love Feliciano?!", Elizabeta wiped her eyes and stared at Roderich for several seconds, "Just because I couldn't cry in front of you, I wasn't hurting?! Is that what you think?!" Roderich mumbled. When the couple was done sharing comments, Roderich left and slammed the door behind Elizabeta. Lovino and Matthew start looking at each other, none of them had anything to say.

* * *

Laura gave his son a big happy squeeze, "You're so amazing, Marco! I'm so proud of you!", seeing how impressed his mother was that he had won the art competition and then Laura go outside to tell her friends about his son's achievement.

Ludwig watched as his friend's smile began to fade away, "Why so serious?" he asked. Marco turns his head and looks into the picture frame of their family in the wall, "I don't look like my mama and papa." he said. "If I had a fish now, I'd turn it into a flat iron." Ludwig snapped while sitting beside his best friend. "A flat iron?" Marco asked.

Ludwig turn away to look up at Marco, his face is so sad, "I'd use it on your face to straighten out that frown!" Ludwig grabbed Marco's jaw and started rubbing his friend's face. They are both laughing and smiling, Ludwig was relieved to see Marco's smile again, "There! Smile, Marco." he said. "Is that really my name?" Marco asked. 

* * *

"Dad, to be honest, I don't want him to be my brother." Lovino said while drinking his ice tea with his father in the restaurant."He beat me." he added. Both father and son started laughing. Lovino's staring at his empty plate, he remember his parents were fighting last night. Lovino appears not happy about that so he looks up at his father, trying to look into his eyes and Roderich looks at his son's eyes, too. "But if he really is Feliciano, if we can complete our family again... I'd let him win every time." Lovino said seriously, "Dad, please. Let's find Feliciano for mommy.".


	4. Chapter 4

Marco was sitting alone in a boat from the shore gazing at the waves crashed onto the sandy beach. The beach itself was dark with no moon out tonight, the sky alive with a dazzling display of beautiful twinkling stars. Laura is slowly walking closer and closer towards her son, she watched Marco's smile with contentment and pat his son's back. "The councilor told me he'll ask the mayor to give you a scholarship to go to college in the city." Laura said, "If you study there, you could get a job in the canteen of Ludwig's brother." but Marco gave no response to it and he simply snorted.

Laura noticed his silence and respected it, but she wanted to know what's happening to his son, "Marco, you're so quiet. Is there a problem?" she asked. Marco turns around to look at his mother, he slowly opened his mouth as he tried to get a words to respond as possible, he close his eyes and concentrated, then he tried to speak "I don't look like you. And I don't look like papa either." Laura suddenly became nervous but she tried to comfort her son, "Might as well, we're not really all that attractive." Laura giggled.

"When I was in the city, a stranger approached me." Marco said while looking in Laura's eyes, "She knows the song that you taught me, the one you always hum to me when I cry or sad.", "The woman said she taught me that song...and she says that... I'm the son she lost." Marco added, still looking at his mother but Laura stand there, listening, nothing to say.

"Mama, you were the one who taught me that song, right? E-even if I don't look like you... you gave birth to me, r-right?" Marco sobbed, he raised his brows in question and Laura answered him with a slight negative shake of her head. Marco felt a pain in his chest after Laura gave her a sad answer. He couldn't move for a minute. The only sound you will hear that time is beautiful music splash of ocean waves breaking on the sandy shores. Marco jumps out of the boat and run away, "Marco!" Laura cried. He ran and ran till he came to a narrow rocky beach, he cried there without anyone hearing him.

* * *

One morning, there's a strange family walking on the shore, some people in that place are talking and helping that family. They are looking for someone. "Marco? That's him!" a fisherman pointed his finger in the direction of the young boy who are walking without slippers and holding a basket with dried fish to sell it. Marco stands there for a few seconds and staring at them.

"Thank you, Laura. Feliciano is really small for his age." Elizabeta said. "Actually, he and Lovino are just months apart." she added. Roderich and Elizabeta are sitting across the table with Laura. They are looking at the photo album of Marco when he was young. "We asked him for his name. We didn't heard him clearly, I only heard is 'Marco'? But I didn't know it was "Feliciano". Laura said. "Didn't you try looking for us?" Roderich asked her. "Marco could only give his name then, but not his surname." Laura answered. The couple are staring at Laura with their sad eyes. Laura takes a big drink out of one glass and looks at them. "And we didn't know when and where Marco got in our boat."

"Thank you for taking care of Feliciano, Laura." Roderich smiled, "But where's your husband?" he added. Laura gulped, she clutched her hands under the table and closed her eyes for more than a second, when she opened them, she tried to speak, "He's dead. My husband died six years ago. Marco hadn't come home yet. So, Tim went out to sea to find him. Little did he know he'll die..." she said with a little smile. She tried to speak again, tried to ask Elizabeta and Roderich, "Are you sure that Marco is Feliciano?".  
"It's the same child in our pictures. And I'm sure a DNA test will prove that Marco is Feliciano. We can do that!" Elizabeta snapped but Roderich patted his wife's shoulder to calm her.

* * *

Lovino and Marco were standing on the shore, watching every fisherman on the ocean. Lovino stared at the trophy hanging on the pole of the boat. "Is that your trophy, right? Aren't you worried you might lose it?" Lovino asked in his irritated way. "It's okay. Contests and prizes are not important to me." Marco answered with a sweet smile to Lovino. "What?! Then, you didn't deserve to win it! You shouldn't have joined the competition so that the trophy could have gone to somebody who actually wanted it!" Lovino yelled, stamps his foot on the sand with an angry face and Marco apologized. Lovino began to scratch his hair roughly, he took a very deep breath as he stared at the young boy to ask something, "You really don't remember us?" Marco looks at him with a puzzled expression, then his eyes move down to the sand, "I'm sorry. I can't remember anything..." he said.

"You're lucky, you can't remember us. Unfortunately for us, we never forget you." Lovino said, he gives Marco an angry look, "You were always in our minds, especially mom's. And that which stays in the mind, is never gone from the heart." Marco watching him walking away, pain and sadness came in his heart when he heard it from Lovino, his brother.

* * *

That night, Marco was sitting alone again in the boat, he's been humming the Marukaite Chikyuu non stop. Elizabeta and Laura were listening and then they decided to call him, "Feliciano!" "Marco!".

Both women turned to each other while Roderich, Lovino and Matthew are standing behind them. Marco manage to get down to the boat to approach his new family. Elizabeta embraced him, "Feliciano, I've longed to embrace you all these years. I miss you so much." she said, caressing his son's face. "Why don't you go pack your things, Feliciano?" Roderich asked. "Let's go gome." Matthew said with a smile. Marco's eyes shifted to his mother Laura, auntie and cousins. Laura was staring at him with sad eyes. At that moment, Marco decided to speak, "I'm sorry. I hope you don't take this the wrong way... but I can't come with you." he said. Elizabeta was shocked and she began to rub Marco's face, "Why? What's wrong Feliciano?", "It's Marco." he said to Elizabeta.

"I'm so grateful that we meet each other again. I'm thankful that you haven't forgotten me. But my life is already here. My family's here." Marco said with smile but Lovino suddenly raises his voice as he comes closer to Marco, "You would rather stay with them than come with us?! You think this is easy for us?! Why you won't you come back home with us?!" but Marco said nothing, however, Lovino became irritated again, "I can't decide if you're insensitive or just stupid!" he yelled.

"That's too much!" Laura shouted to Lovino. Both Roderich and Matthew were shocked to see how angry is Laura. "We are your family. You belong with us, Feliciano." Elizabeta begged, "I'm very sorry. I can't go with you. I'm sorry." Marco said. That night, Elizabeta was crying and sobbing nonstop in the car. Lovino's family decided to go back to their home without Feliciano.


	5. Chapter 5

The night fell, Ludwig and Marco were sitting next to bonfire, eating some bread with cheese and they roasted marshmallows. After that they were sitting close to each other again and staring at the fire. "Why didn't you go with them, Marco?" asked Ludwig. Marco smiled, he breath and exhaled, "They came for Feliciano, not Marco. They were looking for Feliciano, but they found Marco." he answered.

"Marco, Feliciano, they're both you." Ludwig declared. "I know I'm Marco. But I don't know how to be Feliciano." Marco sighed. Later on, they were watching the stars. It was very rare for Ludwig and Marco to watch the stars together because Ludwig usually at home each night. Marco never could hide his weakness in front of his best friend, Ludwig knew what Marco feels. "Do you think I would have a better life if I didn't get lost?" Marco asked. "Nope." Ludwig replied, as his mouth smiled but his serious eyes stayed fixed on the young boy, then Marco asked why. "If you didn't get lost, you wouldn't have gone here, you wouldn't have met me." Ludwig comforted, "If you didn't wander into your papa Tim's boat, then you wouldn't have a best friend who accepts you..." For a moment they look at each other, neither of them speaking. Marco leaned on Ludwig's shoulder, the young boy fell asleep. Ludwig watched him. His best friend was breathing so slowly and his face was so peaceful and calm. "You're lucky to have me." Ludwig murmured.

* * *

Lovino's family manage to eat dinner together after what happened but Elizabeta had no interest in food and she couldn't decide what she wanted to eat. She's thinking about Feliciano. "We should have stayed. Let's go back tomorrow." she requested but Roderich began to snapped, "Please, Elizabeta. Can we not talk about this right now?" then Lovino joined the conversation, "Yes, mom. Can we please not talk about people who are not here, because they don't want to be here?". Elizabeta glared at her son, "Feliciano is not here because..." Lovino stands up, his hands clasped on the table in front of her mother, "Because of me! Come on, say it! It's my fault!" he barked at her with angry eyes. "If only I obeyed you, then Feliciano would still be here! It's my fault, right?! It's my fault! I'm to blame! Say it!".

Roderich tried to stand up and grabbed Lovino's shoulder, "Lovino, that's enough." he said. But Lovino didn't listen to his father, "No! Come on, mom. Say it! It's my fault! Everything is my fault! It's my fault he forgot us! It's my fault Feliciano chose to stay there! It's my fault he chose a different family! It's all my fault!" Lovino shouted.

"Lovino, stop it!" Roderich begged while Elizabeta didn't say anything else. "There! I admitted it! What about you, mom?! When will you admit that it's all you're fault that this family is so messed up?!" Lovino asked, he's shaking and crying but Elizabeta slapped his son so hard that her hand stung. She began walking to her room to pack her things, "Elizabeta, where are you going?" Roderich asked, then Elizabeta leave the house and not look back.

* * *

On the next day, in the morning. Laura walked to their house after selling dried fish around the place. She saw Elizabeta standing on the front of their house. The two mothers both smile at each other. "Does Feliciano love pasta? Marco, I mean." Elizabeta asked while cooking the pasta in boiling water. "Yes! He loves it with bolognese sauce." Laura giggled.

"He really is my son then." Elizabeta laughed. "His favorite dessert is..." Laura said, waiting for the right answer from Elizabeta, "Cake!".

"He must have gotten that from you." Laura chuckled, "Oh, no. From his dad." Elizabeta giggled, they are happy spending their time together in the small kitchen. When Marco comes home from school, Elizabeta invite him to join at the table. The two mothers prepared many, many foods for their son.

"Is this your favorite flavor for the cake?" Elizabeta asked Marco. "Yes. and mama's too. Mama, you want some?" Marco smiled at her but turns away to look at his mother. He shared his chocolate cake with her mama Laura. Elizabeta began to feel jealous seeing them together as mother and son. She thinks Marco loves Laura more than her, of course, Laura is the only one who knows how to take care of his son for many years.

* * *

"Aren't they looking for you?" asked Marco. Elizabeta and Marco were sitting together in a boat with full of twinkling stars in the sky. They just need to talk. "Do you want me to go home now?" Elizabeta asked, managing a slight smile. "Ah, it's not that. I just thought that..." Marco explained nervously. "Marco, do you feel uneasy when I come visit you?" Elizabeta looked at him with a sad expression on her face. Marco stopped rowing and allowed the boat to drift, "A little bit..." he answered.

Elizabeta grabbed Marco's hand tightly and smile, "I understand, baby. You don't know how much I want to take you home with me, Marco. B-but I know that if I take you away from here, from your friends, your cousins, your mama Laura..." Elizabeta cried, he grabbed his son's right hand and place it on her cheeks. Marco's hand is so smooth. She smiled and kissed his hand with full of mother's love for her son.

"I came here to bring you home, Feli. But I realized, you are already home." she sobbed. In silence, Marco was just staring at her. "Feliciano, I just want a little place for me in your heart... just a small, tiny space in your heart, baby.",

"That's all I ask, Feli" Elizabeta requested and she embraced his son lovingly, assuring him that she really love him and Marco embrace her back. Elizabeta heard Marco called her 'mommy'.

* * *

Antonio spotted Lovino standing on the rooftop alone in their school. He caught Lovino drinking a can of alcohol. He walks slowly to Lovino and stood beside him. "So, this is how you wanna spend your birthday?" Antonio smiled. "What do you care?!" Lovino gets an angry look. Antonio grabbed the can of alcohol from Lovino's hand then tossed it away.

Antonio suddenly became serious and said, "Everyone's asking me where you are." Lovino just rolled his eyes and say sorry. They watched the blue sky and the dancing birds as they fly higher and higher for a moment, Antonio could still hear the sounds of Lovino's gasping and sobbing, Lovino looks like he wants to say something with those watery eyes.

"What's the problem, Lovi?" asked Antonio and waited for Lovino's reply, he wiped his tears with the back of his arm and looked at Antonio, "We found Feliciano."  
Antonio just nodded, "Really? Isn't that a good thing?" he asked. Lovino opened his eyes and gazed at the sky, "I've been praying for this for years... for our family to be whole again. So that everything will be okay again. But why isn't everything okay?" Lovino sobbed.

"What do you mean?" Antonio frowned at him. "You know, I didn't feel happy when I saw him again. I'm horrible, right?", "I tried to feel good about it. I even persuaded dad to look for Feliciano. I thought my feelings would change. I wanted my feelings to change but they never changed." he mumbled and Antonio patted Lovino's back.

"I'm so pissed off. I was so mad when I saw how happy mommy was. She never smiled or looked at me the way she does with Feliciano." he added. "I was so angry at him when he chose not to come with us because it broke my mom's heart." Lovino couldn't hold back the tears anymore and he burst out crying.

"Lovi..." Antonio sighed. "You know what I don't want to feel again? It's guilt." Lovino said, "I feel guilty because I'm happy. I'm happy that Feliciano is never coming back."


	6. Chapter 6

One afternoon after the school, the sky began to get cloudy and gloomy. Lovino glanced warily up at the cloudy sky then he opened the door of their house quietly, and there, the first thing which greeted his eyes was Aster. He patted his dog on the head and one maid Lili (Liechtenstein) greeted him, "Happy birthday Lovino! Where have you been? Quick, quick! Sir! Ma'am! Lovino's here!".

The maid drag him into the room with many balloons. There, he saw his mother and father waiting for him, Elizabeta immediately swept him into a giant hug and apologize, "I'm sorry, Lovi!" he gave his mother a lightly blushed and smiled proudly.

"Happy Birthday, Lovino. Your mommy has a surprise for you." Roderich said, "Really?" Lovino asked, he became eagerly excited when he heard this from his father. Matthew walks slowly toward the birthday boy and greeted him, "Happy birthday, Lovi! Here is our surprise for you!" Matthew stepped into the right side, and there, there's a young boy in front of Lovino who are looking and smiling gently to him. The blood drained suddenly from Lovino's face and lips.

"Hello, brother. Happy Birthday." Marco who is now Feliciano greeted him. Lovino froze, his eyes wide open, his mouth didn't move, he felt like his world was going to collapse and he felt someone hug him. He discovered after blinking his eyes several seconds that Feliciano was hugging him. Lovino wonder what he's doing here in their house, but it seems that his family are very happy for him.

* * *

"Hassle! Bad trip!" Lovino murmured, while lying on the bed, pretending to sleep. Lovino and Feliciano sharing the same bedroom since when they were little kids but for now Feliciano choose to sleep on the floor because it's more comfortable than his cozy bed because in Laura's house, they just sleep on the floor. Feliciano was singing the Marukaite Chikyuu while staring at the ceiling. Lovino was trying to sound like he doesn't care but we can tell he's really annoyed until he could no longer ignore it, so he got up from the bed and shouted, "Are you going to do that every night?". Feliciano startled for a moment and tried to speak, "Ve~! I'm sorry, brother. I thought you were already asleep." he apologized. Lovino groaned and rolled over to his side of the bed. Feliciano looked at his brother, he's facing the wall and he can't see Lovino's face. "Brother? You once asked me if I can't remember you anymore." Feliciano reassured. "I can remember that song that mom taught me." he added with a smiled.

"Idiot! That's how we found you, remember?" Lovino blurted. "Yes, brother. What I mean is, I can still remember that and I can still remember that when we were kids." Feliciano smiled, he slowly pulled up the blanket to cover his neck above his arms and chest. "I was so afraid of the monsters in our bedroom. But then you lay down beside me so I won't be scared anymore. Then, you lent me your toy. And then, you embraced me. Do you still remember that, brother?" Feliciano asked.

"No!" Lovino answered. Feliciano just smile at his brother even though Lovino was annoyed, "Really? I'm so sorry. I'm getting confused. I might have just invented that because... I really want to remember you." Feliciano sighed, his eyes began to tear. He closed his eyes and began to drift to sleep.

* * *

The next day, when Lovino came down the stairs wearing his school uniform, he saw Feliciano talking cheerfully to Roderich, Elizabeta and Matthew in the table of the dining room. They're laughing non stop. Lovino become irritated when he saw this scene.

"Lovino's finally here. We can eat!" Matthew said, then Feliciano called his brother "Come brother, let's eat!". "No thanks, I'm full." Lovino answered, he walked to the fridge to grab some milk. Then he heard Feliciano's voice, he's talking to Elizabeta, "How do you want your coffee, mommy?" Feliciano asked. Elizabeta smile to him and she said, "I don't take coffee, baby. I drink juice. Lili prepares this really nice juice for me.". Feliciano runs into their maid Lili to ask how she prepare juice for Elizabeta, "I don't make the juice. Lovino does." Lili replied with a lovely smile. "Thanks Lili! Brother, what's in mommy's breakfast juice?" Feliciano giggled but Lovino looked upset by something when his brother asked him.

Elizabeta looks at Lovino with a quite shock, "Lovi, I didn't know that you're the one who makes my juice." Lovino had to force himself to remain calm at the sight of his family, especially to his mother. "There's still more that you don't know. Like, the fact that our juicer's busted." Lovino said and he looks into Feliciano's eyes, "I'm sorry. Maybe next time, I'll teach it to you. I have to go." Lovino stomped his feet while walking out of the room.

* * *

Elizabeta enrolled Feliciano in a private school where Lovino's attended as well last week."Class, Feliciano has been accelerated one year ahead. He's an honor student and he will be a perfect addition to this class." the teacher announced. There was a light applause from the students. Lovino expressed silently that he didn't like being in the same classroom with Feliciano.

"Hi. I'm Antonio." Antonio introduced himself to Feliciano, he sits next to him. They shake hands and smile. Lovino looked at their way, he suddenly felt jealous. "I've seen you in a lot of brothers pictures." Feliciano giggled. "Well, we used to be friends. Used to be." Antonio smiled.

When it's recess time. Feliciano decided to eat together with Lovino so he waited his brother in the exit door of their classroom. While he stood outside the door, Lovino saw him "Brother, let's eat!" Feliciano said but he just ignored the young boy. Feliciano got the feeling his brother didn't like him very much but he tried to speak, "Brother, you're so popular here! You're on every bulletin board. You think I can join the art club? It'll be fun to draw together." Feliciano smiled but Lovino was keeping his distance.

The two brothers headed to the canteen and Feliciano had to run to catch up with Lovino. "Why are you following me?" Lovino yelled, some students looked confused but most of them choose to continue to walk and ignore those brothers.

"I-it's lunch. Aren't we eating yet?" Feliciano asked, sounded nervous. Lovino was really pissed and he can't even know if he can give his brother a good explanation to make Feliciano stop following him, but he can't control his emotion anymore.

"Breakfast, dinner until we go to bed, we're together! Can't you leave me alone for lunch? You're a big boy now! You survived 12 years of poverty! You're so used to living without me! And I'm sure you'll survive this place on your own!" Lovino said without hesitation, he saw to his Feliciano's face that his little brother tried to catch his breath, he was very frightened. Lovino threw his bag pack over his shoulder and started to walk away. He left Feliciano alone in the hallway without looking back. "S-sorry, brother..." Feliciano whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

"What really happened between you and my brother?" Feliciano asked Antonio. Antonio just smiled and didn't even look at him. It was not clear what Antonio was writing but he seemed to be narrowly focused on his work. He turned to the next page and continued writing for several moments but Feliciano tried to ask him again, "Why aren't you friends anymore?".

"Long story", Antonio responded. Lovino noticed not far away from his table that Antonio patted Feliciano's hair gently. He had no idea what the hell they were talking about, he felt anger and hatred flowing through his body. "Come on, tell me. I might help me understand him better. Come on, Antonio." Feliciano begged.

"Lovi, I think Antonio has a crush on your little brother, which wouldn't surprise me. Feliciano is so cute." Alfred (America) admitted. "Hmph! I don't care." Lovino shrugged. Alfred saw Lovino's book open always to the same pages, he thought that Lovino was pretending to read. "So, you won't get mad if they become a... couple?" Alfred asked carefully. Lovino banged the table hard with both hands, he found that his classmates are looking at him, even Feliciano and Antonio. He ran from the classroom on a mad dash to the restroom to calm his mind, but anger rushed over him when he saw himself in the mirror.

* * *

Lovino was sitting at the dining table doing his homework. He heard a familiar voice coming from just behind him. "Hello mama! How are you? I really miss you!" Feliciano said followed by a small giggle. It sounded like he's talking to his mama Laura into his phone. Lovino put his left elbow on the desk, he put his head in his hand and began to rub his face. As he closed his eyes and put his forehead against the palm of his hand, Lovino felt the anger was coming up in him again every time he heard Feliciano's voice.

"Get out!" Lovino yelled, Feliciano jumped when his brother yelled and apologized profusely, after Lovino let him finish he said, "Your apology is not helping me! You need to shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you and go up to your room!" Lovino said, his voice rising.

Feliciano stood and tried to put a hand on his brother's shoulder but Lovino slapped his hand away and said "Don't touch me!" Feliciano had never heard Lovino voice so angry like this. He didn't know what to say after that or do. So he stayed quiet and watched Lovino's back. "You have no idea how I feel! You have no idea what you've done to me and to my whole life! I hate you! I hate you with all of my heart! I will hate you until the day that I die, Feli!" Lovino glared at Feliciano.

"B-brother, calm down, you don't mean that. You're just angry and tired." Feliciano said trying to smile. "I do meant it!" Lovino said. Feliciano started to walk into their room. He stopped at front the door and decided that he needed some air. When he got inside, he immediately broke down crying. He collapsed onto his bed, his hands were shaking and his mind was racing.

* * *

"I'm glad you have Feliciano back home with you." Tino (Finland) said. "Is he having hard time adjusting?" he asked to Elizabeta. "He's doing very well." Elizabeta answered with a slight giggle. "Thank you for inviting us to your place, we had a great time, and Berwald's (Sweden) dinner was really good." Roderich said, Elizabeta and Tino were giving each other a goodbye hug. "You're welcome, Elizabeta. Can you give this coffee to Lovino and Feliciano? I hope they will like it!" Tino smiled. Soon, Elizabeta get in the car as Roderich starts the engine and they headed back toward their home.

"Ca-pu-si-no? Ma-ch-ya-to." Feliciano said slowly, he read the label on the cup of two coffee. "Macchiato! Capuccino!" Lovino snapped. "I-is that how you say it? Brother, these coffee are expensive and difficult to pronounce." Feliciano said.

"Stupid!" Lovino snapped again. When Lovino was done drinking his coffee, he headed over to the bed room. Feliciano was left sitting all alone at the table. He heard footsteps slowly approaching. "Baby, you were crying?" Elizabeta asked his son but Feliciano nod, his head saying "no". "You sure? You're eyes are red and swollen." she asked again, but Feliciano remain silent. He didn't want to tell them the real reason why he's crying.

"What's wrong? Already miss your...home?" Elizabeta tried to ask again. Roderich saw his wife and his son in the table, when he saw Feliciano crying he walks over to them and he hugs Feliciano. They didn't notice Lovino was standing in the corner, watching them.

* * *

One male teacher with a thick eyebrows named Arthur (England) greeted several students in the hallway. He placed the paper carefully on the bulletin board and stapled the paper. "Sir. Arthur is here! He's here with the rankings!" Wang (China) shouted. Arthur turn around to talk to students, "Our retreat is pushing through. That's 2 Fridays from today. You have enough time to get your parents to sign the consent forms. And those without consent forms can't join, okay?" Arthur explained. Some students nodded.

"Sir. Arthur, where are the rankings?" Francis asked while holding the books. "Here it is!" Arthur yelled, he placed the paper about students ranking on the bulletin board. When Francis read the paper that he's on the rank 1, he run happily in the hallway.

"What happened to Lovino? From top 2 to top 8? What happened?" students murmured. Lovino didn't say anything about the result, he didn't realize that students are looking at him. "Congrats, Feliciano. You're top 6!" Antonio said joyfully to the young boy and gave him a strong hug. "Really?" Feliciano asked with a smile. Lovino saw Anotnio was hugging his stupid little brother in front of him.

* * *

The following night, Elizabeta and Roderich celebrate their sons' achievement. The whole family eats together happily, sharing the food and laughed except Lovino, he's eating quietly at the table.

"I already called your mama Laura. I told her to come here so we can celebrate again!" Elizabeta giggled. "Really?" Feliciano said with a smile of surprise. "I'm so proud of you, Feli. I'm sure you'll do better next time, Lovino. Too bad you're not top 2 anymore." Elizabeta look at Lovino's face and she smiled, a ghastly smile.

Lovino stopped eating and looked up, "You feel bad? Why? It didn't seem like a big deal when I was top 2. It wasn't enough of an achievement to celebrate with a party." he said. "What?" Elizabeta frowned. "It's true! We never celebrated the fact that I got the second highest grades in my class. But we celebrate being top 6." Lovino smirked, he looks in Feliciano's direction. "Don't worry. Next time, I'll try my best to be top 6! Not top 2, not top 8! Six!" He threw the spoon and walked away.


	8. Chapter 8

After practice in the art club, Lovino headed into the locker room, grabbed his things. He spotted Kiku (Japan) outside the locker room and he was waiting for him. "Have you talked to Feliciano if he'd like to paint with us? I think he could really be a good addition to the club." Kiku said, while holding his backpack. Lovino raised his one eyebrow at him and he said, "He told me he's not interested." but Kiku knows he's lying. Kiku needs to convinced Lovino that Feliciano is very talented even though Lovino is not agree about that. "But why? Tell him he could be a great artist. With more practice, he could be just as good as you. If not, better than you." Kiku said.

Lovino kicked a can down the street. The sound echoed off the cool fall air. "What the hell?!" he gasped. When he opened the main door, he heard a noise in the kitchen room. It's Lili and Feliciano's voice. "Lovino was so afraid of losing Pookie." Lili said while cleaning dishes. "He's carry it even under the shower and there was a time when he'd call Pookie, Feliciano.".

Lovino was listening to all the conversations, it's about Pookie, he's stuffed toy cat. "So that it would be like he'd have you beside him when he sleeps." Lili added. He peeked through the kitchen door and saw that Feliciano was holding and cleaning the stuffed toy cat. "Ve~! You were my proxy! Now. you're clean. You can sleep beside brother again." Feliciano giggled happily and then kissed Pookie on the nose.

"Feli!" Lovino was running toward them. He looked so angry and he snatched the stuffed toy cat out of Feliciano's hand. Matthew, who was busy reading the book near the kitchen room began to wonder what's that noise coming from the kitchen.

"I told you not to touch my things!" Lovino shouted at his brother. "Brother, wait! I'm sorry, I just want..." Feliciano said, trying to explain but Lovino can no longer control his emotions. Nothing can stop him from saying whatever he wants, "You want to take everything from me!" he yelled. "No, brother. I don't want to take anything..." Feliciano explained.

"Liar! You're such a liar! Even when we were kids, you always took everything from me! You never changed!" Lovino yelled again, pointing his finger in Feliciano's face. Lili stops cleaning dishes so she can protect and defend the young boy, "Lovi! Feli just wants to clean Pook-", "Stay out of this!" Lovino said, interrupting Lili's explanation.

"I thought you'd be pleased..." Feliciano said but no matter how he tried, he could not convince his brother. "Do I look pleased? You just have to mess up everything!" Lovino said as he continued to point his finger in Feli's face. "Lovino!" Matthew shouted as he opened the kitchen door and rushed inside but Lovino ignore his cousin, then he blurted out, "You're ruining everything! You want to be part of everything! You want to be friends with my friends? You can't! Because they don't like you! You want to be part of the art club? You can't! Because we don't need you! You want to be everywhere I am? You can't because I don't want you near me!" Lovino yelled, completely out of breath.

"Lovino! Calm down. You're turning mad because of a toy?! You're overreacting! Take it easy." Matthew said sounding irritable. "Don't tell me to take it easy! Because you don't know how I feel!" Lovino yelled again, tears filling his eyes and left the house.

* * *

Feliciano wanted to cry because he felt so ashamed. He wished Lovino would stop saying what his brother's always saying. He felt Lovino wasn't showing any mercy in his words. He was sure his face changed colors, it felt red hot, like he had been slapped. How could he ever regain his brother's love? At that very moment, he pushed himself to the window of their bed room to catch some air and glimpse the beauty of the sky. Then, he grabbed his phone to call his mama Laura. After a few minutes went by, Feliciano heard that sweet and lovely sound of his mama's voice.

"Hello, Marco?" Laura asked, she was busy in the kitchen. "Mama, how are you?" Feliciano asked, he began to smile from ear to ear. "I'm okay. Are you okay?" Laura asked with wondering eyes and smiling lips. "I-I just want to hear your voice, mama." Feliciano smiled while he kept trying to hold back choking sob but Laura knows he was crying on the phone, she felt her heart was being smashes to pieces but she controlled her pain and continued to help his son.

"Here... Lalalalala..." Laura said softly, forcing her smile wider but she's crying now, too. Feliciano's eyes began to shine with a little tears from his eyes, "Mama, please embrace me." Laura began to laughed, wiping her tears, "Of course! Here's a super hug from mama! Can you feel it?" Feliciano pictured himself hugging his mama very tight and rubbing her back. "I love you, Marco. You'll be okay." Laura encouraged.

"Yes, mama. I'm okay." Feliciano smiled, wiped his tears with his hand. "You'll be okay, baby. You can do it. You're tough like me, right?" Laura cheered with tears. "Yes, mama. Promise. I love you, mama." Feliciano answered joyfully. He closed the phone, stuffed it back in his pocket, and forced a smile on his face. He's tough like his mama and papa.

* * *

Feeling of anger, hatred, jealousy, envy against his little brother. Lovino was very angry, he was like a bull. It seemed like he was giving up and didn't want to live anymore. At that time, while walking down the street, he bumped into his friend(?) Antonio. "Oh! Hi!" Antonio greeted.

"You said hi? Are you going to pretend to be my friend today?" Lovino asked in a harsh tone but Antonio smiled and asked Lovino, "Well, do you need me to pretend to be your friend today?" Lovino crossed his arms and smirk, "I don't know. Maybe...yes." he said, then he continues to speak "I hate my life!" Antonio laughed, he thought Lovino was joking but he tried to ask the hot headed boy, "Why do you hate your life?" when Antonio asked him, his phone started to ring and he answered it, "Antonio! Have you and Feliciano started our project already?" asked the boy in the phone.

"I'm already at their house. I'll see him in a bit." Antonio replied. Lovino was just stood there listening to their conversation. "Are you courting him? You'd be bad match!" Lovino said but Antonio ignore him.

"Actually I didn't see why you like him. Unless you enjoy his stinky fish odor!" Lovino smirked. It was too irritating to heard that words from Lovino that Antonio began to grow mad at him and because of his behavior, too. "You know why I like Feli? I like him because he's not you." Antonio said, he walked away from Lovino without saying another words again or looking back. Lovino was really upset right now.

"Just strum the strings like this. That's good." Antonio said to Feliciano. They are sitting on the sofa, Antonio decided to teach Feli how to play the guitar. "The pizza is here! Come inside!" Lili said, there's a macho man in front of the door, holding a box of pizza. The man started walking slowly inside the house and he saw the two boys having a good time together in the corner.

Feliciano looked up and saw the man in front of him. "Ludwig!" he said, he hugged his best friend very tight and Ludwig patted his head. "Oh, sorry. I thought you're the pizza delivery boy." Lili said and apologized. "This is Ludwig, my best friend!" Feliciano said joyfully to Lili and Antonio.

Ludwig found himself become jealous of another man. He gazed up at Antonio with angry eyes and said, "I shouldn't have come. I'm disturbing you guys." but Feliciano grabbed Ludwig's hand with a smile, "No, You're not! Antonio and I just finished our report. He's now teaching me how to play the guitar. I know a lot now!"

Ludwig touch his best friend's face and rubbed his cheeks up and down, giving him a smile. Antonio saw it but he just smile at the young boy. "Sorry Marco, uhm, Feliciano. I have work. I need to go now. I miss you." Ludwig said, he gave his best friend a goodbye hug and Feliciano watched him leave the door.


	9. Chapter 9

Lovino thought it was time to go home. He spent his time sitting on a swing at the park he used to go to when they were kids with Feliciano and Matthew. He just walked without thinking much of anything, not even his stupid little brother. He's just tired. He slowly opened the main door and peeked inside and saw nothing inside. No Lili, no Matthew and no Feli. He walked in and closed the door behind him. He walked toward the stairs and stopped in his tracks when he heard his father's voice. His father was actually home, and now was Roderich chance to talk to his son. He had so many question about him and his brother, Feliciano he wished Lovino has answers to.

"Matthew told me that you have a conflict with Feliciano." Roderich asked in a firm voice. Lovino headed up the stairs toward their bed room without giving a proper answer to his father. "Where the hell are your manners, Lovi?" Roderich yelled. Lovino suddenly felt bad for getting angry at his father and also his mother for always working so hard for their family and therefore not being around for him when Feliciano disappeared 12 years ago. Lovino waited for another minute. He didn't want his father to know his feelings.

"Why can't you be more like your brother, Lovi? He never gave us this kind of trouble." Roderich said. Lovino sighs like he's too tired to argue, he looked at his father with sad eyes, "Goodnight, father." Lovino said back, and he closed the door and leaned against it. He quickly scanned the room and found Feliciano sleeping on the floor. He slowly walked to the bed, trying not to wake up his brother and sees that it is 11:15 pm.

"B-brother?!" he heard a voice behind him but Lovino stay quiet, he stood in the side of the bed and didn't move. He knows that it's Feliciano's voice. "Do you remember our school retreat last week? I'm so sorry if I'm not give you any words when we face each other that time because...I'm scared." Feliciano said. "Sir. Arthur said that the retreat is a chance to strengthen friendship and to repair broken relationships. We have activity that time that we must give a letter or anything to express our appreciation or to ask for forgiveness...from the person that we value the most." Feliciano added and Lovino turned around to look at him.

"Do you still remember what I told you about this trophy? That, this is not important to me and winning is not important for me." He smiled. Feliciano was holding his trophy, he grabbed Lovino's hands and placed the trophy on him.

"What's important to me is...love...family...and you, my dear brother. You are important to me...because you're my brother. Because you are my one and only big brother.  
Because I love you so much, I'm sorry if I did anything wrong to you. I hope we can be okay now." Feliciano cried, he pulls his brother to him with both arms, hug him very tightly but Lovino slapped his face. He threw the trophy across the room and watched it break into several pieces.

"Do you know why I hate you?!" Lovino yelled, Feliciano gives him a sad look while holding his left cheek. "Because, You lived! You lived and mommy gave all her love to you! There's no love left for me!" Lovino yelled again. "That's not true! Mommy loves you!" Feliciano cried.

"No! Everyday, I've had to pay for losing you! Everyday, I've had to compete with your ghost! And everyday, I lose!" Lovino yelled louder, "I wish I were the one who got lost! It's so unfair! You have two mothers who love you so much! Why is everything so easy for you?!" he started to cry.

Feliciano started to sob quietly and he began to speak slowly, he looked at Lovino's eyes, "You think this is easy for me, Lovino? Easy for me to leave the family I grew up with? Easy for me to give up Marco to become Feliciano and try to live in your world?! And what do I get? All your snide remarks and insults? It's not easy, brother. Everyday, you've had to pay for losing me? What about me? How long will you make me pay for coming back?" Feliciano said, wiping tears from his face and speak again, "Tell me! What can I do so that you can forgive me? What should I do for you to accept me?"

Lovino dash into the bathroom and began to cry. He reached for the razor blade in the shower, which he then used to cut his arm. "Brother! No!" Feliciano cried. Lovino began to feel dizzy, he don't know if it was the blood loss or he's tired from everything. His back slid against the wall as he slowly collapsed to the floor, he saw Feliciano in front of him, crying. His breathing began to slow and his eyes began to close.

* * *

That night, they rushed him into hospital. Lovino was still unconscious. Feliciano stood outside the room with Antonio while Roderich and Matthew are inside with doctor. Talking about Lovino's condition. Antonio comforted Feliciano, telling him not to cry, that everything will be fine.

A few moments later, they heard heave footsteps in the hallway, "Feli!" Elizabeta yelled, she's running pretty fast in the hallway, and hug Feliciano. Antonio politely excused himself, said he was going to get food and Elizabeta nodded. Feliciano was crying uncontollably, talking about Lovino and Elizabeta raised her hand to wipe his tears.

"Your brother will be fine." Elizabeta smiled, trying to comfort his son. "I'm sorry, mommy! I'm sorry!" Feliciano cried, Elizabeta wonder why he's sorry and Feliciano said, "I didn't stop him because... I'm scared." Elizabeta patted Feliciano's shoulder and wipe his tears again, "It's okay, Feli. I'm just glad you were there to save your brother." she said.

Feliciano looked down at the floor a few moments, gathering his thoughts. Then he started speaking, "C-can I go back to my mama Laura? I want to stay there...I hope you understand...I love being with you but...I don't want to see my brother hurting again..." Feliciano sobbed."Feli..." Elizabeta sighed, and touched his son's face gently.

"W-we were apart for 12 years...but all that time, you moved farther from brother...I wasn't the one who got lost...It was brother Lovino. He was right beside you but...you never really saw him. Maybe that's why I should get lost again. So that...you can find my b-brother now." Feliciano's words hit Elizabeta like a thousand knives through her chest, she felt crushed by the weight of them and she began to cry. She felt guilty about not spending time with Lovino. She allowed Lovino to talk to her from time to time but again, she never give his first son a full attention. She never asked Lovino about his favorite things, about school or talk about happy memories. She just ignore his presence for 12 years, until now. Elizabeta was finally realizing what she's been involved in for the past years, she's embarrassed and ashamed that she's never been a good mother to Lovino.


End file.
